Hi Lucia,
We haven’t been writing on here as much recently. A few minutes ago, I mentioned “snow silence” to someone, and decided to send them the post I made last year about silence. And that brought me here, cause fuck! it’s been almost a year since I posted that! It got me thinking about the past year, and what I want for this upcoming year.
So, what do I want?
That’s a huge question. You know I don’t believe in new years resolutions, that the “new year” is a concept that we made up to mask the revolutions of our planet around a star as logical when in fact the universe is truly random. Of course, that is terrifying, the fact that we are a chance, a happening, and everything we have ever known bloomed out of nothing millions of years ago. Not to send you down an existential worm hole, but I guess New Years gets the best of me sometimes.
There is an Old Norse tradition called the New Years Boast, which is sort of the flip side of resolutions. I like these better, mostly because no one is actually expecting anything of you, but they still celebrate a random calendar we have collectively abided by. Anyway, the new years boast is when you go around with whomever you are celebrating with and say something OUTRAGEOUS you plan on doing in the upcoming year. I said I was going to hold 5 alligators by the tail. I think this is light-hearted and fun, rather than trying to address your flaws in the middle of winter when people are already just trying to hold on.
All that being said, I hope this year brings happiness, which is what I always wish for when blowing out candles or seeing a shooting star, and that my friends continue to grow and I can continue to love them. I often marvel at the fact that I have so many amazing people in my life, and I think for me, new years is just a time where I can reflect on that and thank the universe for its random creations.
This year I will write another thesis, I will hopefully go back to Iceland, I will see you, I will try to stay consistent with my meds, and I will get a proper top surgery consultation. I guess these are half resolutions half just facts, but I think they suit me better than “I will do x strictly every day” because I would have already failed those. The first two days this year I was so mentally unwell that I didn’t leave my bed. That’s ok, I have since left my bed and restarted my meds and even started writing a paper today.
Overall, you can change your life at any point and there is no sense waiting to be in one astronomical space to do so. There is a lot of love in the world, and I want to support everyone I come across to their goals and happiness.
Love you,
Alex