Dear Lucia,
Once again, the ocean separates us. I have spent the day today getting settled (and being depressed in bed) at my new apartment in Hamburg. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when I arrived at how spacious it is- I am playing the same amount as my last apartment in Reykjavik but it is easily double the size, and has a balcony. I am on the balcony right now, in fact. It is raining, but since I am on the ground floor, I have cover provided from balconies above me. Looking from an outside perspective, this is a very cozy situation I have in front of me. Rain dripping, a steaming cup of tea, cozy pj pants, surrounded by green plants. I can’t help but feel nervous and apprehensive because I know next to nothing about Germany.
I have visited Germany once before, but that was when I was 14, and it was in Southern Germany. I think overall, I am pretty adept at adapting to new environments. This comes from traveling and generally being able to piece together information from limited facts. I am proud of this ability, but for some reason here in Germany it feels like I am an extreme outsider. I have had two conversations in German thus far, and they both have went fine, but it is so hard to think that this will be my life for the next year.
I know it will get better when I am more settled and have some people close to me. But even when I moved to Iceland alone, I never had this anxiety. It was all excitement and love for the place and situations I found myself in. I have also been looking forward to my time here, but this sort of “waiting period” before my program, that I specifically gave myself to settle in and find my way around, is killing me. I am hoping today is just a particularly hard hump and that tomorrow, when I have told myself I will go out and explore and work out my permits, will be better and allow myself to be more comfortable.
Part of my anxiety is definetly coming from the trains. I can hear them from my apartment, they are the main way to get around, and they are the way I need to take to get to school. It will be fine once I get going (at least as fine as it can be, for trains) but starting is a major hurdle. Right now, some of my classmates are meeting up for the first time to get to know one another. I couldn’t join because of my train anxiety and general depression of not being in Iceland right now.
It is freeing not being in the states, at least. I feel so much better without the constant drone of Fox news in the background, and without walking on eggshells around politics in my own house. I am confident 99% of the people I meet here will share my views that a certain felon is a dangerous dumbass. As soon as I left, I started hearing less and less from my parents. It is amazing how it feels like they have no alex-permenance. I don’t know how I feel about this, because while they can be overbearing I would also like to know that they consistently care, ya know?
I am going to try to get into a routine of having my morning tea on this balcony. It overlooks a cute little courtyard with trees and grass. I have seen several red squirrels (Eichhörnchen) and they are very cute. I am glad I can hear so many birds from my room, and this little area creates a reprise from the city feeling when you walk down the street. A raven followed me downt eh street today, and I naturally thought of you. I cooed at him and said hello, and he hopped down the sidewalk with me then jumped from tree to tree. I hope I see him again because he is very cute.
Last thing to update you on before I go. (I think I finally have inspiration to hang my decorations) I already told you that my landlord was kinda wild, but thankfully my roommates (well, the one I have met so far) are very nice. We don’t have a common area, but he came out into our entry way today when I came back from getting my laundry that was drying. (We have no drying rack in the apartment but we do have a weird attic that everyone uses to dry their things, pictured below). His name is Diego, he is from Colombia and has been to more US states than I have. Apparently, Massachusetts is the only East Coast state he has not been to, so I have that on him, at least. He was super chill and told me the *actual* rules of the apartment, as we all know differ from what the landlord says. He is also a student, though not at the same university, and I hope to get to know him better. In the very least, it is good to know that I have a chill roommate who I can speak to (his English is a bit rusty, but we can also speak in Spanish, which is nice. Idk if he speaks German but he thought it was super cool that I speak (some) Icelandic).
tschüss for now!
Love, Alex