A Literal Hole in the Wall: Visiting Smith and Feelings of Anti-Resolution

Hi Lucia,

You’re literally sitting next to me while I type this, so that’s a fun change of pace form our usual hundreds of miles apart. (Fuck you type so fast? I knew this from thesis writing but I think you’ve gotten faster cause now you even out-pace me!)

We are in Josten Library. The purple carpets and red chairs remind me of my first year of college when I used to lock myself in the basement here so I could read my thick-ass book about the history of Iran. (Spans from 1501-2009, so please don’t doubt that it is thick). We just finished talking to Craig about out life updates, and I felt the need to commemorate here.

This weekend (it’s Tuesday) has been a wild ride. First, your train was four hours late. Really messed us up from the get-go. I was leaving work, and I was supposed to meet you at the train station in town, and then we were going to vibe and have a good evening before getting up and hiking.

INSTEAD

I got to the hotel, which was weird as fuck, and you weren’t there for another two hours. (I watched house). Weird things about this hotel room:

  1. The bed cover was sewn in a perfect rectangular prism, encapsulating the bed whole, not really allowing a person underneath
  2. There were at least three chewed pieces of gum stuck to the wall
  3. The fan in the bathroom straight up sounded like an airplane trying to take off
  4. There was a hole punched in the wall that was subsequently filled with toilet paper?
  5. The walls were so fucking thin that even with the doors locked and barred, the windows closed, and the shades drawn, it sounded like that stupid motorcycle started right in our fucking room

Anyway, after a long night of hearing every sound made by a person in a 50 km radius, and talking so late that we might have only gotten 4 hours of sleep, we decided to start the day off with a hike. But the trail was closed. No Mt. Tom for us. We did, however, see the dinosaur tracks! Wild stuff, fossilisation and all.

It had been a long time since I had been to Woodstar, in fact, I only went once while attending Smith. They were just a good as I remembered. The lemon honey ginger tea was SPICY just the way I like it. The thick peanut butter chocolate cookie was also super tasty.

After that, we set you up in Neilson so you could do some work, and I did some planning for our trip (why is shit so expensive??). When I got bored and frustrated, I started walking around and it gave me weird vibes. Just because I never really got this experience at Smith. I only had a year and a half on campus. I know that college isn’t the end all be all, but it is something so many people hold dear to them and talk about all the time and I don’t have that same experience. It doesn’t help that I speed-ran, of course, but I don’t think another year would have had that big of an impact on me. Especially since I wouldn’t have met you, in Iceland, and my life would simply be worse because of that.

Seeing Professor Darcy was a trip. She didn’t recognise me at first, but then as soon as she did the joy in her eyes was unmistakable. I never really thought that I actually meant so much to her. She remembered little details about me and my life, and was excited that I plan to continue my studies in Germany. Turns out that’s where she met Craig (upcoming). It was a short visit, because it was unplanned, but honestly I wasn’t expecting her to be there at all and I am glad to have seen her. I don’t think she realizes how much she has touched my life, and how often I think about what she would do in a situation.

I tried to see Emily Norton, at the DTI, but she wasn’t in. I didn’t want to get in trouble by using the equipment, so I just peaked in and reminisced on how fun that place was. I hope to work at another FAB lab.

THEN we saw Craig. What a Man. What a Guy. He hasn’t changed. I knew he was going to say that someone needed a gold star, I knew he was going to bring up Skarphéðinn (who I named myself after in part because of Craig’s enthusiasm about his character). He is so kind and genuine and proud of both of us. I miss him being there. I was moved at how much he remembered about the both of us. It is incredible, knowing that these professors have generations of students and yet still recall and like them.

Not to finish this up quickly, but there is only so much I can reminisce. The new Taiwanese place wasn’t great. But, as always, it was fun eating with you. That is something I sorely miss. Spending all our meals and cooking together. Whenever I make pumpkin bread, or chilli, or other things we made together I think of you and how you would put too much salt.

It started raining as we were leaving, which was fitting, because it was very sad to go after such a short time. Leaving you is always hard. And leaving Smith is hard too, since I had such a weird time there. I know we talked a lot about this but I have such a hard time reconciling with the fact that I missed nearly half my time on campus. When we snuck into Seeyle to use the bathroom, I sat in that classroom and cried. I miss it. But at the same time, I don’t think I could go back. I am simply not the same person. I wonder how this impacts my ability to function at other schools.

Anyway, it’s getting late. I should go. Miss you, as always,

Alex

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